Hello Again

How do you find the words to describe your greatest fear? That is the question I have been struggling with for the last few months. Not knowing exactly what to say, I chose not to say anything. Only now, after enough time has passed and the situation has improved, can I even talk about it.

Last December, my Grandma was hospitalized. This is not an uncommon occurrence. In the last three years, she has been in and out of the hospital dealing with various immune system issues. But when my grandpa called on a Thursday night and told me to come home, I knew this was not the usual hospital visit. I made it in record time, but by the time I got there, Grandma was having trouble breathing on her own. Before they put her on a ventilator, the doctor asked me and my Grandpa a question that I was completely unprepared for, "How far can we go?"

Over the next few days, I rarely left her bedside. Even though she was completely unresponsive, I kept talking to her, hoping that she could hear me and that it was helping her. I was so worried that she would wake up alone and be scared, not knowing what was going on, so I just kept explaining over and over what was happening. After a few days, the doctor said that we needed to get her off the ventilator, or we might not be able to. It took almost two full days for the sedatives to wear off. But when she finally woke up . . . the relief I felt was indescribable.

Because the doctors were worried that the narcotics she took for her pain had somehow contributed to the sudden drop in her her heartrate that resulted in her condition, they would not let her take any of her pain medications. She was in constant, unbearable pain. Just the week before, we had spent a wonderful Thanksgiving with her. She was feeling better than I had seen her in years. How could her condition change so dramatically in just a week?

As strange as it may sound, this experience has made me realize how truly lucky we are. My grandparents have been such an important part of my life. I am closer to them than most people are with their parents. They have been a constant in my life. When everyone else left me or let me down, they were there for me. I credit them with so many of the successes in my life. Without them, my life would have turned out much differently. Since my grandma first got sick three years ago, I have called her every day. There are very few days when we haven't talked. I cannot imagine a world without either of my grandparents. I love them so much.

Watching my grandpa take care of my grandma through all of this--not just this hospitalization, but over the last three years--has made me realize just how strong my grandparents' love is for each other. I am surer than ever that it is their good example that has led me to Rod. And Rod, wow, I didn't think I could possibly love him any more than I already did. But when I called him to tell him what was happening, he dropped everything to fly home, drove straight to Idaho, and stayed with me the whole time. I was overwhelmed with my love for him. He is an amazing man, who I don't deserve.

It was also very difficult to watch the families in the ICU waiting room. We became friends with many of them after spending so much time together during the week. A surprising number of them were there for young family members whose prospects of surviving were less than optimistic. I felt selfish when Grandma started to recover as the other patients died or took turns for the worse. Here they were, mourning a life unrealized, when my grandmother had lived a long full life and was making it through. My guilt was tempered, though, by the realization that no matter what obstacles we overcame this time, it is only a matter of time until something else happens.

This experience has forced me to take a closer look at life. It is short and unpredictable. I have been spending more time with my family. And I finally got up the nerve to ask my job for a leave of absence. I will be spending three months traveling through Africa, a trip I have wnated to do for a long time.

Thank you to those of you that are still checking this blog. I have been surprised by how many people have asked me about it. I hope to do better at updating.

Halloween

Our Halloween was a two-weekend par-tay. We started the weekend before Halloween with a pumpkin carving party at Tara and Phil's.

That Saturday, we went to the much-awaited Hagen Annual Halloween Party. Tobin and Diana always go all out (and we always have a wonderful time). Rod and I were our competitive selves, taking second in the movie guessing game, winning Funniest Costume, and on the winning team of Halloween cranium. We walked out with a whole bagful of candy. YUM!

Halloween night we started at the Rico's Customer Appreciation fundraiser. It is one of our favorite fundraisers. I had to skip lunch so that I had enough room to eat all of the yummy food: tamales, mole meatballs, empanadas, taco cart, ceviche, pumpkin soup, and on and on. My favorite was sirloin with chimichurri. I went way past my happy place!

Then we headed to a house party in the Aves. It was the wildest party I've been to since law school. It was out of control. Most of the pictures are too risque to post, but here are a few of the PG-13 ones.

A Regina Weekend

I might have mentioned her once or twice (or a billion times). Regina, one of my best friends, is my favorite person to travel with. She is one of those people that things just happen to. She is almost five years younger than me, has an engineering degree from UCLA, and has traveled EVERYWHERE. We met in Bolivia and traveled together through Peru and Colombia. A couple years later, I visited her while she was doing Peace Corp work in Honduras.

After years of meeting in other countries, she came out to see me in the middle of October. She was a good sport, helping me out with the Walk Against Violence and the after party on Friday. I spent the rest of the weekend being a tourist in my own town, showing Regina everything I could fit into the weekend. On Saturday, we took a trip out to the Bonneville Salt Flats. Even though it was our first time there, it was kind of nostalgic for us. Just before we met in Bolivia, we had each gone on a salt flats trip in Uyuni. I had actually overheard a guy comparing the Bolivia salt flats with the ones in Utah and thought, "Huh, I didn't even know there were salt flats in Utah." As far as the comparison, I would have to see them back to back. It has been too long. We had a lot of fun playing on the salt.











On Saturday night, Carrie was nice enough to let me bring Regina to Joel's birthday party. One of the little girls there was too cute.

Sunday, we took a drive over guardsman to look at the leaves and play in the snow.
After brunch in Park City, we headed out for a climb on Narcolepsy Wall. I did my first 5.9 (and it was a +)!

Harrow came over for a post-climb meal, and we all soaked in the new hot tub.

On Monday night, Regina and I took a long walk to the dog park. Regina picked the perfect weekend to come out. The leaves were incredible.


It was so fun catching up with Regina (and planning our next trip)!

A Mile in Her Shoes

During the summer between middle school and junior high, one of my best friends disappeared. I didn't really know what had happened to her until she sent me a letter. We spent the rest of the summer communicating by sending each other hours of cassette tapes. It wasn't until high school that I understood that her mother had been a victim of domestic violence. And, like most women in such relationships, she went back to her husband a number of times before . . . the relationship ended for good.

That first summer of not knowing where my friend was, was just the first of many times when she would suddenly disappear. She got better about calling me to let me know that everything was okay. Well, as okay as they could be given the circumstances. As a teenager, I had no idea how to talk to my friend about what was going on. Most of the time, we didn't talk about it. Looking back, I wish I could have been a better friend.

Perhaps in an effort to redeem myself, since high school, I have spent a lot of time working with victims of domestic violence and domestic violence shelters. My most recent role in this arena has been as the community service chair of Young Lawyers Division (YLD). For the last two years, my committee has focused on community service projects benefiting women and children who have been victims of domestic violence.

On October 16, YLD hosted the First Annual Walk Against Violence to kick off YWCA's Week Without Violence. All proceeds of the walk went to the YWCA, a shelter that serves over 8,000 women and children annually.

As stressful as it was putting this race together--I've barely ran a 5K, let alone organize one--everything fell into place perfectly. We were able to get several amazing sponsors: American Express, YLD (of course), Women Lawyers of Utah, Parr Brown Gee & Loveless, Richards Brandt Miller & Nelson, Dorsey & Whitney, and Durham Jones. Brandon Walker designed our awesome logo for free. Sports Am timed it for a substantially discounted race. Our costs were completely covered so that all of the registration fees went directly to YWCA.

The best part--The High Heel Challenge! We put men symbolically in her shoes to "Walk a Mile in her Shoes." Rod looked super-sexy in the fuzzy pink heels I purchased for him. :) I thought they would calmly walk the mile, collect their medals, and leave. Instead, there was a full on sprint. Terry Welch, Rob Harrow/Ponte, and Brian Lloyd won first, second, and third, respectively.



My good friends, Clem and Joanna also took first and second in the mens and womens 5K respectively. Judge McHugh also placed in her age category. So many of my friends showed up to support me (and the cause!).

YWCA was so pleased. We are already planning next year's event!




If you missed the race and want to contribute, check out www.ywca.com.